Friday, January 1, 2016

Page 1 of 365



One particular New Year-themed meme caught my eye this morning as I checked in on social media.  It read, "Page 1 of 365".  As a writer of sorts that made more sense to me than anything I saw in The Force Awakens which was terrible, in my opinion. 

We are all aware that New Year's Eve is the day we roll out  the grand clean slate, the new beginning and all that.  For some, it's the race to see who can blow through their list of resolutions the fastest.  For the record, I don't make resolutions but if I did number three on that list lasted exactly four hours and 37 minutes.  

I don't like New Year's Eve.  I feel like I'm forced into taking stock of things I'd rather forget like that embarrassing moment  you said something absolutely ludicrous to that one person you've been trying to impress all year.  "Oh, I didn't mean to comment on your chest size, I was just complimenting your choice of bra and sweater combo...".   

Add "Think before you speak" to the resolution list and start the timer.

Frankly, anything bad or good that happened to me last year was because I took an action, not because it was 2015 and anything bad or good coming up this year will be for the same reason, not because of 2016.  So I sat there yesterday on my perch determined not to be a part of it.  Not to recount, reflect or remember.  Everything I want this year is the same thing I wanted last year, including the Corvette.    All the things I don't want are still there, too.  But there I was, spitefully determined not to join the throng sucked into year-end news stories, extravagant party plans or declarations for prosperity happened.  

I had a moment of quiet pondering.  My list, if I were to make one wasn't really a list, it was a focus of intent.  What am I now, what do I want to be and why is there such a gap between the two?  This sounds a lot better than say, bench pressing my body weight, getting rich by inventing room temperature fire  and abstaining from pizza. 

No, what I really want is to be true to myself.  There's a Real Me inside that I keep hidden away for some reason.  Call it not wanting to feel vulnerable.  See, I made up this character when I was a teenager, Ollie.  He's a five legged spider who loves to play.  Just a little boy who lives for fun on his own terms.  The thing is, Ollie is me and it took nearly 30 years to have the courage to show the world.  The best part is, he wasn't rejected, he was welcomed.  He is what's in me and I want the rest of him out here, too.  Kind of like wearing your underwear outside your pants if you happen to be wearing Superman underwear.  

This morning my brain is crowded with a million zillion ideas all rushing to the front like a stampede of fourteen year old girls trying to get to the front at a Justin Bieber show.   Everything I am inside is crowding the door as if to say, "He gets it now!  Me first."  

Today is page 1 and this is my entry.  

Tell me, what is it you'd like to be?  I don't mean thinner or richer.  I mean what is your intent not just for this year, but for this life?

2 comments:

  1. Me too!! Me too!!

    I mean I want the "thinner and richer" but I'm tired of living in the illusive future. I want to "be" present!! Instead of waiting to lose the magic number of pounds, I want to rock my curves and eat a slice of pizza occasionally. And as I am looking for my future "IT" job, I want to save for a fun family vacation and maybe even visit NYC!!

    Looking forward to pages 2-365!!!

    Happy New Year to Ollie and you!!

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  2. Thinner and richer is always nice. I'd say living on your terms, living your way is far better. There will never be physical perfection or enough money and the only thing that's truly disappearing is time. Spend it in a way where you can say you loved as hard as you could and you loved the time you had here.

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