Saturday, April 16, 2016

N is for Nunchaku #atozchallenge

What I thought I looked like...
Nunchaku: From the Japanese; "Chaku", a verb, a devastating amount of force with an unbelievable amount of speed to a very specific area of the body.  "Nun", also from the Japanese, a noun, your testicles.

When I was an teenager, I was fascinated with Kung Fu movies.  I spent many a Saturday afternoon studying all the moves of the Five Deadly Venoms and all the Shaw Brother’s classics.  I took Tae Kwon Do, bought books on technique and had my own Ninja uniform. I just wasn't very good at it.   
In support of my quest to be an urban superhero (and to my mother's dismay) my father bought me a selection of weapons like throwing stars and various wooden and metal clubs.  I got pretty proficient at hurling the stars and getting them to stick to walls, fruit and one time, my father's windshield. 

What I really wanted was a pair of Nunchaku.  We called them chucks and some of the morons called them numchucks.  Let me tell you, there was nothing numb about these little ditties.  What you had were two hardwood sticks connected by a few inches of rope or chain.  They were very cool looking and they were made popular by Bruce Lee and the guy on my block who could spin two pair around his body like a swarm of angry Japanese bees.  

My father came home with a pair of hardwood chucks, octagonal shaped, chrome tipped and connected with a chain.  They were wicked.  I broke out the book, studied the diagrams on how to use them and set to work. Out in the alley behind the building I went to test hop my new weapon of destruction.  To my surprise I was pretty good.  I was twirling and spinning the sticks with speed and power. 

There was one low hanging leaf form a nearby tree I was using as a target.  In a final fury I went to strike the leaf.  


I missed.  

However, in my flying fury of speed and power I managed to gently, slightly, almost imperceptibly  graze the area near my groin. 

TIP: When using anything ballistic around or near your privates, always always use a cup. When using Nunchaku, it is especially important because all roads lead to the testicles.  

It was like the shockwave you see in those old atom bomb tests.  It took over my body and I swear on my way to the ground, I broke the sound barrier.  Twice.  I was clutching my groin, gasping for breath and trying not to faint.  The Chucks were across the alleyway and I swore I heard the tree laughing. 

When I woke up I found my father standing above me, chucks in hand and he said, "So, did you save the world today, Daredevil?"

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