Friday, May 13, 2016

Ted Zeppelin and the Bored Spoon

Because fire breathing cat. 
My friend, Ted and I were having breakfast at my place.  Oatmeal.  He took a heaping spoonful of buttery steel cut oats and shoveled them into his considerable maw.  (Ted's a big guy.  So big we call him Ted Zeppelin but that's another story).  After a few chews his brows came together, his eyes widened, face reddened and he spit them across the table into my coffee cup.   

“Agh, my mouf is burning!  What the hell is in this?” he asked.

“That? Oh, that’s Tabasco,  jalapeño and a little white vinegar,” I said. 

“Why would you do that?  Why would you make oatmeal with liquid fire and salad dressing?”

“Keeps the spoons happy."


"Well, the spoons were upset with me because I kept giving them boring things to do like stirring coffee and dipping in soup.  They said to make life a little more exciting for them or else they’d leave with the forks and then I’d have nothing to eat with except for the butter knives because they don’t like to travel.”

Ted never ate over my house again.  

But my silverware is quite content and that’s what really counts. 

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